Just read this poem today. It kind of just fell onto lap literally.

As in I went to the library and picked up this book on photography, (am prepping for my shoot with a really good photographer on Thursday), and this poem was scribbled on a piece of paper just laying there waiting for me to pick it up and read… I think my guides have sent it down for me
Waiting

Serene, I fold my hands and wait,
Nor care for wind, nor tide, nor sea;
I rave no more 'gainst time or fate,
For lo! my own shall come to me.

I stay my haste, I make delays,
For what avails this eager pace?
I stand amid the eternal ways,
And what is mine shall know my face.

Asleep, awake, by night or day,
The friends I seek are seeking me;
No wind can drive my bark astray,
Nor change the tide of destiny.

What matter if I stand alone?
I wait with joy the coming years;
My heart shall reap where it hath sown,
And garner up its fruit of tears.

Life Sucks

Really worked up today and hope writing about it will help.

off late i keep saying to my self "tomorrow is yet another day".I have an online exam to give and some other hifi education shit to get done and send for evaluation to Geneva with in the next few days and this will make or break me in the art education world.... and with the play around the corner and the exhibition hanging on my head and mom screaming that i am not painting enough or how i am detected.. i am in this really sad zone. i actually cried as in really cried yesterday i haven't wept for a good few years but last night i just broke down with the pressure of multi tasking and not being the best. As in i realised when i do something its really important for me to excel .....I did not know that about me.

Any way with puffy swollen eyes after, 3 rounds of vodka, a lots of cigarette later( thank god there was no dope around) i did sleep only to get up a few hours later to my annoying neighbours hemash rashamiya music! man can life get any worse... thank god it will all be over by the 15th and then i will have only the Puna exhibition to think about....

I have got to run for a rehearsal now...and here is what i want who ever reads this to do - pray for me i really need it!!

For Isha

A year and a half back I was asked to find partner due to excess work load. I had heard of this super hardworking girl called Isha, who had worked in the organization before, and decided it was her I want…. and suggested her name to my boss. At the time, I had never met her in person and everybody who knew both of us thought it was my biggest mistak.
She is this very Indian, poker face almost all the time kinda girl, who is in love with the idea of ethnic, her fashion is inspired by 60's (flower power), flip flops are her style statement, you might miss the nose but you cannot miss the nose pin, and she is totally chat paaprii ... And then there is me, I am a flasher... of sorts …. Only it’s my crooked teeth you will see flashing almost all the time. The rest of me is all about painting, Green tea, high heels, leather jackets, boy shorts, chick flicks, being a pseudo intellectual, Indian influenced by the west when it comes to fashion. Being here …. And there…. Enthusiastically engaged in animated conversation with all and sundry. I am supposed to be the “good cook” who loves wine and cheese…. and has cheese maggi for dinner 5 times a week.
With all odds against us Isha and I started working together and it wasn’t long before we became inseparable. It is rare to find a colleague who actually becomes a friend. We are together from 8 -4 and never has there been any competition in between us. It’s odd that we are almost like a couple ; ) we kind of complement each other. The things I am good at are the things she cannot do and vice versa…
I miss her when she is not around because I have no one to fool around with.. or give me big Gyaan on men aprove and disaprove of them and take her pick as well, or go on about our growing girth, and singing Hindi songs from Hamare Jawani ke din…
What we are- Is a Bunch of really connected artist who are not nosey about each other….. But just there for each other
And now I see myself running to work in sneakers and Isha trotting around in heels. We have grown onto each other. There is a little A in I and a little I in A

Love Songs

I went home to my parents this weekend and as usual i was the designated driver for the family.
I am not complaining as i enjoy driving and unlike most Men's common belief- i am a good driver; )
Anyway while I was driving.... or Rather stalling through Delhi's crazy traffic, i was watching people. Have you ever done that? anyway I noticed that everybody around had an expression of disgust or unhappy feel about them, some of them were cursing and some just indulging in the most obscene thing (digging their nose) and here i was sitting in my loyal Alto singing away...
So here i am listening to a CD a friend burned for me... with the most beautifully composed love songs (it has everything from Aaj jane ki jid na karro to your beautiful) and that again got me thinking... Does anyone ever sing these for a loved one in real? As in I have yet to meet a man who sings or dedicates these songs for me... or does thing that resemble these songs...and as an artist I believe that every creation has an inspiration ..... So does love in this sense still exist?? And if it does, does it suffocate their partners??? I am always in love of some kind, that’s just me, I need to be in love to create. But it’s never this deep... is my love shallow?
That’s when I remembered my closes friend from school. We are like sole sister. We were each others strength in boarding school (was in one from the age of 7) we have done everything around the same time. First boyfriend, first kiss, the blunders of life even got married a few days of each other. She married her childhood sweet heart too and has a beautiful baby boy with him. Now here the thing, She changed herself for love,her religion and even her name- which is big right? I know, I will not be able to do half the stuff she has done for love...And here I am 30, single again, back in Delhi, sensitive and NO SONG… (except No wo MEN no CRY)
Anyway she has the song kind of love in her life.... and that make me believe that love exist for some.

No Big Funda

Feeling awfully productive today, after spending 4 hours in my studio, I have actually done something that I like. it’s a change from my usual as I often think my work sucks after I finish working on it. I wish I could post it here I really do want too but have two show coming up and need make sure my show looks fresh.
My work today has no message or a high funda behind it. It’s not art as an expression it’s just art made to just look pretty.I think any art that causes a reaction is 'art as an expression'. I don't think you have to make a statement with every single piece. As long as it strikes someone as clever, you're good to go. With some of my pieces, I'm not 'saying' a whole lot at all.

And What do Artist really say when they are drawing marionette skeletons, bunnies with chainsaws, gremlins, robots on stilts, etc.
my work does not have any big time message or moral questioning. Though, I've usually got something more personal invested that I'm really bringing to the surface.In summary, I think that most things that cause a reaction (of any sort) are art.
You know writing on this blog these past few days has been like a catharsis for me. To justify my work to myself.

over maggi

Had this crazy day at work today, most of my days are really crazy and fun ...today it was different i actually sat on my desk and wrote reports from 7.30 to 4.00 which is quite unusual and felt sorry for all of u there who have to work from behind a desk....
anyway i got to studio and started painting. and a friend droped in to look at my work and said 'your sketches have this really emotional touch' that got me thinking....
I always find it strange when people say that, I think i am going for detachment. The themes are usually pretty introverted. Each of us is complex and has many facets. These different parts sometimes have to confront and reconcile each other and that is what I am trying to capture. I try to portray them as having emotional distance.
and what is weaird is that these days I spend too much time daydreaming and contemplating instead it should be spent drawing or working things out on paper.(and what the **** am i doing writing this blog) I generally spend time taking things in, and then walking around the neighborhood or laying on the floor staring at the ceiling.
Todays work is an organic form of a lotus flower I found.
Anyway this what I have finally came up with while cooking maggi (my favriout introspectrive work dinner)
They are definitely inward reflections. They are allegories and are not meant to be narrative. It is more about how one reacts to experience .

As u can see I am in this mood to publish some of my works…
This one is called patience for the obvious reasons I guess…. I have been waiting for ever I guess.

What if…
What if the thing that was going to turn into something beautiful with time goes through major calamity… and turns into something else... is it still beauty?
As in it was sowed with love and has all the essence of love just a few ups and down of life… and… I don’t know I am not good with words… but hope the viewer get my feelings.

Been through this phase where I was in love with life, friends, Delhi and someone I dint know (but was with forever) and then it all vanished in thin air…. Such is life I guess anyway this is a work that kind of shows the way I felt… I know its a little cliched...... but what the heck… this is me- simple and am not in my ART JARGON MOOD

I haven't written for a year now... honestly its cause i forgot the password and the fact that i had a blog. i guess being an artist you can blame it all on the creative mind.

i haven painted seriously for a while, i keep procrastinating... dreaming and procrastinating again....
the again hope that from here i shall derive my major big time inspiration...